Friends of Romaine Lettuce

Something I wrote for Ninth Grade English. A spoof on the "friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears" monolouge from Julius Caesar.


Friends of Romaine lettuce, lend me your tongs
I come to make a Caesar salad, not to praise it.
The greens that men do eat lives after them,
The vitamin is oft interred in their bones;
So let it be with the Caesar salad. The noble Boston lettuce
Hath told you that eating Caesar salad is ambitious.
If it were so, it is a grievous fault,
And grievously hath Caesar salad answer’d it.
Here, under the leaves of Boston and the rest,
- For Boston is an honourable lettuce;
So are they all, all honourable lettuces –
Come I to speak the Caesar salad recipe.
It is my friend, tasty and good to me;
But Boston lettuce says it is appalling,
And Boston is an honourable lettuce.
It hath been yummy with many carrots and herb then Romaine,
Whose vessels did the garden cucumbers fill:
Did this in Caesar salad seem apalling?
When that the poor have cried, Caesar salad hath fed them;
Lettuce should be made of crisper stuff:
Yet Boston says it is appalling,
And Boston is an honourable lettuce.
You all did see that on the kitchen counter
I thrice mixed Romaine as a kingly salad,
With mayonnaise, vinegar and grated parmesan cheese,
Which it did thrice accept all ingredients. Is this appalling?
Yet Boston lettuce says it is apalling,
And sure it is an honourable lettuce.